Jan. 23, 2006 issue - Recently the consumer Electronics Show filled up Las Vegas with more than 130,000 people and countless cell phones, camcorders, flash drives, car stereos, MP3 players and porn stars. In a State of the Industry speech, Gary Shapiro, head of the trade group behind the extravaganza, instructed us to view the "hallowed event": as "a Mecca... a Holy Grail." I have come back to give you The Word. Basically, your television habits must change.
You have been very good, folks, at purchasing televisions with big, wide screens–this shows you have embraced the concept that one cannot be happy unless watching Peyton Manning, Dave Letterman and the babes in the Perfect Dark Zero game in high definition. Don't get too smug, though, if you've already snapped up a humongous HD set. It won't be long before the CES-oids demand you get a bigger one. In the Samsung booth: a prototype 102-inch screen. Better build a new wing to your house while you're at it.
Next on the agenda is to get those screens connected to the Internet. OK, so organizing your musical playlists or paging through your Yahoo contacts (with the new "Yahoo! Go TV" service announced here at CES) may not be the best use of your giant screens. But don't even bother arguing with giants like Intel, which is basically remaking its image to push a Net-entertainment initiative called Viiv. Microsoft, which makes software for millions of Media Center PCs (which marry computers to TVs), is considering building that software into all copies of its next version. It's the future, baby.
Don't get too attached to the comfort of your living room. You must also dive into the brave new world of tiny television screens. Much of the CES buzz centered on new ways to ship video programming to tiny displays, some barely bigger than postage stamps. You probably already own some, purchased under the naive impression that they were cell phones, laptops, digital music players, palmtop computers, handheld game machines and navigational devices. Surprise! They are the new way you will watch "CSI," football games and old episodes of the "Twilight Zone."
While the New TV motto is "Anything you want, any time, on any device," these initial forays come with more caveats than a Trump prenup. Through Google's new video-download service announced last Friday, CBS sells the Las Vegas version of "CSI" for $1.99 but not the Miami and New York versions. Lots of content is available only on one service–"Welcome Back, Kotter" fans must use AOL's In2TV. As for the "any time" vow, it turns out that some services, like Vongo (the online version of the Starz premium cable movie channel), puts an expiration date on films you download, as if they were milk cartons. Once the date arrives, the movies vanish from your hard drive. Also, the "on any device" promise needs a bit of work. When you buy a TV show from iTunes, it works on the video iPod. Buy it anywhere else, it probably doesn't. Google lets anyone sell videos on its service, and leaves it up to the producer to decide whether to lock down the content and limit where you can play, and also how much and whether to charge money. "Charlie Rose" episodes are streamed free on the day after they're on the air, and downloadable for a buck afterward. But they aren't copy-protected and can be played on iPods. NBA games, however, cost $3.95 and don't work on iPods.
Confused? Don't worry. Just be prepared to give out your credit-card number and keep a computer consultant on call. Between the big screen and the little one, every spare nanosecond in your life can be occupied with Jay Leno's monologue, "Brady Bunch" reruns and the sultry hostess of the Tiki Bar podcast. And if you want to know why, the priests of consumer electronics have an answer: this is what you want.
